Santa Baby

We are all about tradition around here. We have taken the kids to see the same Santa every year. He is in a little house in the middle of Sugarhouse - called Santa's Sugar Shack.



Each of the kids took a turn sitting on the Big Man's knee:



Avery seemed to have the longest list (she would like one of every toy ever created). Olivia wants everything that Avery wants plus a pony. Ethan only wants a Nerf gun and a remote controlled Jeep. Amelia wanted nothing to do with Santa. Nada. Zip. Zilch. It took a good bit of bribing coaxing to get her to even go within 2 feet of the Jolly Ol' Elf.

After 8 attempts at the perfect pic we had to settle for 3 out of 4 looking decent. This is the only picture where Amelia doesn't look like she was being tasered:


This was last year:


And 2007:


This is from 2006: (Santa had horns...)


And this was 2005:



It is so fun to watch the kids change in each picture - and it is even more fun to have the same Santa every time!

If Only...

If only Christmas was this easy...

Randominity

- I am way behind on blogging.

- I have 760 unread items in my Google Reader.

- It isn't you. It's me.

- I promise I will make it up to you.

- I think I have narcolepsy.

- My sister and her family are currently flying to Australia. They won't be back til next year.

- Because my sister is gone for the holidays, my mom and stepdad are coming to Salt Lake for Christmas.

- First.time.ever.

- I don't know why - but I am wigging out about it.

- My Christmas shopping is completely done.

- My wrapping is not.

- I made all my neighbor gifts this year - I got the recipe from the lovely and talented Stacey.

- It is Peppermint Bark Popcorn.

- It is awesome.

- I had three people ask for the recipe yesterday.

- It makes me happy that they likey.

- I have too much dessert in my house.

- I was planning on guests - they never arrived.

- My work Christmas party was yesterday.

- On a Sunday.

- I didn't go.

- I did go see Natalie Cole and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

- It was pretty awesome.

- Amelia is officially potty trained.

- That means that 10 1/2 solid years of changing diapers has come to an end.

- It is an amazing feeling.

- I wouldn't have another child if someone paid me.

- I am doing a triathlon next year.

- I am wigging out about it.

- We saw the movie 2012 on Saturday.

- It might be the worst movie I have ever seen.

- It was actually so bad it hurt to watch it.

- I was Facebooking almost the entire movie I was so bored.

- Then we went to Chinese food and it was awful.

- Really really bad.

- My wedding anniversary is Sunday.

- 12 years.

- I hope our failed attempt at an anniversary celebration isn't a sign of things to come this next year.

- We just bought a half a cow.

- It is taking up our whole outside freezer.

- I have named him Bartholomoo.

- I really do promise to catch up on blogging.

- Please don't give up on me.

The Babysitting Birthday Book - Second Edition

If you have been hanging around the ol' blog for awhile now you might recall the fab birthday gift that Penny made me last year. She created this amazing Babysitting Birthday Book. It was filled with 12 coupons that I was able to redeem for babysitting.

This year I might have cried and begged and pleaded in the hopes that I would get another one. Maybe.

Penny didn't disappoint. This year I was the proud recipient of the Second Edition Babysitting Birthday Book! Hooray for me! I had to share:














She really is the best Penny ever. And it is the most perfect present ever.

Tiburon's Lil' Terrorist Training Academy - Holiday Crash Course Offerings

It's the holidays and that means a whole new round of classes offered at Tiburon's Lil' Terrorist Training Academy! We know that traditionally students get a couple of weeks off of school for the holidays - but here at TLTTA we like to keep our students engaged and learning. It keeps them out of trouble.

TLTTA is THE premier Terrorist Training Academy. As always, we offer a full array of classes to meet your educational needs. Our instructors have studied and trained for years - and they are always taking part in continuing education workshops to ensure that they don't lose certification. They will have your little one whipped into shape in no time. Here are our 3 week long holiday crash course selections:

Jiu-Jitsu Basics - Bring Santa to His Knees

Listmaking 101

Creative Gift Giving (Alternate Class Title: Mom! I Have a Present For You in My Diaper)

99 Ways to Ruin a Holiday Buffet

The Art of Present Peeping

83 Ways to Rearrange the Nativity

Negotiating Your Holiday Bedtime

Fruitcake and You

Clever and Potty-rific Alternate Lyrics for Traditional Holiday Songs

Shanghai Santa - Changing Your List at the Last Possible Moment

Creating Yellow Snow

Christmas Cookies - The Seventh Food Group

Party 'Til You Puke

Up On The Housetop (Alternate Class Title: How To Scare the Pants Off Mom and Dad)

Ways to Make Santa Say "Do You Smell What I Smell?"

25 Places to Throw a World Class Temper Tantrum

Whine, Stomp and Scream (Alternate Class Title: Getting What You Want for Christmas)

28 Things You Can Do to Annoy All the Patrons While Your Mom Stands in Line at the Post Office

How to Get Thrown Out of the Post Office

Forget Decking the Halls - Deck Your Sibling Instead

Advanced Roadtripping 102 - My Stomach Hurts!


Tiburon's Lil' Terrorist Training Academy has worked hard to create a curriculum that will fill your every need. You can rest assured that when you drop your little ones at our fine institution they are getting a world class education.

The quality and expertise of our educators sets TLTTA apart from other Terrorist Training Schools. Meet some of our instructors:


Ethan graduated from TLTTA with a 4.0 GPA. He returned to receive his Master's and Doctoral degrees. He has over 10 Years of experience. Ethan successfully mastered most of the curriculum (who are we kidding - he has written it) and has thoughtfully mentored all our instructors.



Avery is another TLTTA graduate - having successfully completed our accelerated program. With over 7 years of experience she is a seasoned veteran with a flair for the dramatic. Her classes are guaranteed to entertain and educate.



We are thrilled to announce that Olivia is our newest tenured instructor. We have utilized her expertise in many of our course offerings. She is also available for private tutoring, career counseling and mentoring.



Amelia recently finished her student teaching and is now teaching several of our most popular classes. Amelia is new to teaching - but don't let that deter you. She has a lot of creative solutions to everyday problems. Things you would never even think of.


Enroll today! Classes are filling up fast! Financial Aid is available.

35th Birthday Wrap-Up

As much as I was dreading turning the big three five - I had a fantastic birthday. It was really really really good. I might even say it was the best 35th birthday I have ever had.

The main reason it was good? I.was.spoiled.rotten.

And a girl could get used to that.

Adam told me he had a huge surprise for me - and taunted me with it for a week. The day before my birthday I found out my prize. He got me a 46" inch LCD HDTV and a home theater system

An outside observer would think "Wow - that sounds more like a present for HIM than for HER". That is not the case.

I am the TV watcher in our family.
I am the addict.
I am the walking TV Guide.

This was 100% a present for me. And nothing could have been more perfect. (And it might also explain my absence from the blogosphere - I.am.in.love.)

I was also spoiled rotten with multiple gifts from friends and family. There was a delicious lunch at Goodwood with some amazingly fantastic ladies - with a pumpkin cheesecake. There were literally hundreds of Happy Birthday wishes on Facebook, there were Ticketmaster gift cards (so perfect for me!), Bath and Body Works lotions and potions, a kick A No Doubt t shirt, a Rob Thomas t shirt , breakfast at Ruth's and some new bras, some pretty sparkly jewelry, a "T" keychain, cupcakes, lunch at Cafe Rio, a book about being attacked by a shark, a massage, some sharky breath mints, some cash to put towards a bike trainer...the list goes on and on and on. One of my friends even arranged to have the Mayer call and sing me Happy Birthday (sort of). It might have involved this video from YouTube and the replacement of the name "Marley" with "Tiburon" but it rocked nonetheless.

The thing I learned on this most monumental of birthdays is that I have surrounded myself with some incredible people. They know that I would bend over backwards and walk across hot coals for them - and they would do the same for me.

They get me.

And I dig that.

And to everyone that made my birthday so special - I am honored and blessed that you choose to include me in your life.

From the bottom of my cold black heart - THANK YOU.

Question of the Day

What is on YOUR Christmas list?

Analytics Schmanalytics!

Tis a new month - which means it is time to look back at all those funny Google searches that led unsuspecting people to my blog. (Always a good time...) November did not disappoint.

chark bait tiburon - might have to change the name now. Chark bait has a nice ring to it.

musk ox music blogspot - Really? There is musk ox music?

apply eyeliner photo tutorial - You won't find that here. I am soooo not a girl.

birth control makes people go blind - That's not what I heard.

miss reef butt workout - Wha?

dirty hippy shark - No dirty hippies here.

bull shark will take its fair share on the people who are ignorant to its habitat - Oh the bull shark isn't the only one my friend.

does utah tib have a butt itch because john mayer has a lisp? - How many times do I have to say it?! The Mayer doesn't have a lisp. Come say that to my face...

got (1, one) lortab left how should i take it to make it hit me the hardest? - I usually swallow mine. It does the trick.

what can i use in my kitchen for feminine itch - Ick. Don't scratch in the kitchen.

what is the worst shark in the world and i would like to see a picture - I'll give you a hint...her name rhymes with Schmiburon.

And apparently some people are using Google to find answers to their burning questions:

will tiburon move back to seattle? - Only if someone else is footing the bill.

did shark bait dump john mayer for rob thomas? - NEVER. Bite your tongue. Rob belongs to JenTix. I am just along for the ride.

did shark bait go to rob thomas' tour bus after his show in vegas? - As fun as that would have been? No. Bummer.

did shark bait see some strippers in vegas? - As fun as that would have been? No. Bummer.

did shark baits husband bring back diamonds from his trip? As awesome as that would have been? No. Bummer.

who punched john mayer in the face causing him to lisp? was it utah tib? - Alrighty. Someone needs a spanking.

why does shark baits husband travel so much? - Work. Work. Work.

will utah tib punch john mayer in the face when she hears him lisp? - If I was ever that close to the Mayer I most certainly wouldn't punch him in the face.

Zumba

Today was my first Zumba experience. What is Zumba? Zumba is an aerobic exercise routine inspired by Latin dance. Do I know how to dance? Uhhhhh no. Am I a good dancer? Negatory. Did I look like a complete and total idiot? Affirmative.

It looks like this:



Unless I am doing it. Then it looks like this:



It was quite the workout. My heart rate got up. My bahookie was shaking (the problem is, I couldn't get it to STOP!) and the time flew by. All the things I look for in a good workout.

I guess I am dropping kickboxing one day a week to shake my groove thang.

Fish and Visitors

Ben Franklin once said: "Fish and visitors smell after three days".

Not true.

Nicole, Dave and the kids were here for 8 days and it just wasn't enough. There was much fun



And messing around



And laughing



And bonding



We had a ball. We went ice skating and turkey bowling. We saw New Moon (twice). We attempted to go sledding but there just wasn't enough snow. Adam and Dave went to the U of U football game. We went down to Temple Square when they lit the Christmas lights and had dinner at the Roof. We shopped. We ate. We even put Dave to work raking leaves...

At one point Nicole reminisced about her favorite childhood toy - a pair of stilts - and that sparked Adam and Dave into action. They quickly built 4 sets of stilts for our stilt walking pleasure. Some enjoyed it more than others. There may or may not be a video of me attempting to stilt walk. Allegedly. If there was such a video I might be completely humiliated by it and won't be posting it here.

I wish New Jersey was closer. I wish we could see them more often and make more memories. I am thankful we had 8 days together.

I have amazing friends. Friends that live around the corner - friends that live around the globe. Friends I talk to every day and friends that I catch up with once a year (or two or twelve). And I am thankful for my friends. All of them. I am a blessed woman.

So who is coming to visit next?

Happy Birthday to Me!

35? Really? How does that happen?

Turkey Bowling

The Saturday before Thanksgiving, Penny babysat and us adults were able to go out sans kiddies. (It was lovely). We had a nice dinner and then hit up the Utah Olympic Oval for some ice skating.


Turns out - I am not a very good ice skater. Adam and Nicole are pros.


Me? Notsomuch.

Lucky for me and Dave they had Turkey Bowling that night!

Can't say I have ever used a frozen turkey to bowl before - but I am pretty darn good at it!




Even luckier for Dave he had me there to coach him in proper form:




His form was so proper he actually scored the highest score all night. And what did he win?



A TURKEY!



It was a Thanksgiving miracle! Dave - just a young boy from New Jersey comes to Utah and wins a turkey at an Olympic venue. Dreams do come true. And kids - if you are gonna dream. Dream big.

Happy Spanksgiving

Our holiday was full of tradition. There was turkey and stuffing and cranberries (both homemade and out of the can). There was pumpkin pie (and pumpkin cheesecake) and whipped cream (both homemade and out of the can). Dinner was late (as usual) and we each took the time to verbalize those things that we were thankful for while we scarfed down our yummy food.

But this year a new tradition was born - all because of a 10-year-old boy.

Wednesday night as I was preparing Tom Gobbler for the roasting pan, Ethan came into the kitchen with an odd request. He wanted to slap the turkey. Hard.

I thought he was kidding until he wound up and gave it a nice good slap - and then another - and another. He said it felt good. It was liberating to take his aggression out on the main course. He spanked/slapped it a few more times. Then Nicole got in on the action. Then I did. Pretty soon we all took a whack.

It was refreshing. And cathartic. And invigorating.

Thus Spanksgiving was born.

And Spanksgiving shall live on every year. I shall fill the Thanksgiving turkey with stuffing and aggression and we will have a lovely meal.

You really haven't lived until you have spanked a turkey.

*All participants washed their hands thoroughly in hot, soapy water...*

Things I May or May Not Have Said This Week - Gobbler Edition

1. Who would have thought spanking a turkey would feel that good?

2. I hereby dub thee "Tom Gobbler". May you taste good in my belly.

3. Do you think you can handle that much meat?

4. Once you go dark meat you never go back.

5. Sad when the bird has a better rack than you do.

6. It couldn't possibly be Thanksgiving without a double meat stuffed man turkey.

7. Let me give you some handy information that could help you should you ever find yourself incarcerated one day...

8. It isn't a party til somebody pukes!

9. I don't do gravy.

10. Tell me again how I found myself on the driveway attempting to walk on stilts on Thanksgiving?

Randominity

I am back. And what better way to come back than with a big fat dose of randominity? Sooo many things to catch you up on - and I will even blog about several of them - but I must get them out of my head...

- I had a super great visit with Nicole and Dave and the kids. I am sad that they left. I wish they lived here. I can't get back to NJ fast enough.

- I am a little ticked that Billy Joel and Elton John had to reschedule.

- I am a better turkey bowler than I ever thought I could be. Dare I say I might have a future in this up and coming sport?

- 39 pounds of turkey is too much for 10 people.

- I am turning 35 in 2 days. I am freaking out about it. I got 4 new wrinkles last night.

- Several people asked what became of the Silver Bullet. We gave it to Penny in exchange for some babysitting.

- In a crazy twist of fate my mama had a week at her timeshare that was expiring and needed to be used.

- Combine that with the amazing $300 airfare we found and we were able to take that week off her hands and my sweetheart and I are going to Cancun (sans kids) in February.

- We are staying here.

- I haven't had an entire week alone with him in almost 9 years.

- I am a little giddy about it.

- Not so giddy about putting on a bathing suit.

- I applied for my passport. Since I will need it to go to Mexico and to see the Mayer in Canada.

- When it comes I can cross #27 off my life list.

- I am bummed that Utah lost on Saturday.

- Max Hall made me dislike BYU even more than I did before (if that was possible). Didn't hear him talking trash BEFORE the game. Nice of him to lash out after the fact. Now I know how "classy" acts.

- I don't understand Black Friday.

- I have tried. I still don't get it.

- I dig Cyber Monday.

- Mostly because I can stay in my pajamas. I don't have to stand in the cold. I don't have to wait in line for hours. And there is no brushing up against sweaty/dirty/sticky/sickly people.

- I caught a stomach bug last week. It has kept me down for almost 4 days.

- I have lost 6 pounds.

- I saw the Blind Side and thought it was amazing.

- I am now a Baltimore Ravens fan.

- I liked New Moon (the movie) better than Twilight (the movie). But I still think it is creepy that old women are drooling over a 17 year old boy. For the record, I was not one of those women that "oooh'd" when he took his shirt off the first time.

- My husband deboned an entire turkey.

- He saw it on Martha Stewart and wanted to try it.

- Her entire segment was 11 minutes long.

- It took him 3 hours.

- Nicole, Ethan and I walked the Cold Turkey 6K on Thanksgiving morning.

- It was cold.

- We started a fantastic new Thanksgiving tradition in our house. I can't wait to tell you all about it.

- I am not a good ice skater.

- I can't believe it is December tomorrow.

That's it. That's all I got today.

I really need to get caught up - so please stick around - there will be lots of posts a comin'. And hopefully some blog reading as well! I hope that you had a super fantastic holiday!

Thankful Thursday

This week instead of listing things I am thankful for - I am going to list things that are currently making me super happy:

- Increased dosage of happy pills. The doc doubled my dosage - so I can't help but be happy. Better living through chemistry.

- Nicole (and her family) will be here tomorrow morning. I am giddy. I won't be able to sleep tonight. I cannot wait. I get to spend 8 full days with her and we have many adventures planned and much to do.

- Tickets to New Moon tomorrow. I saw Twilight with Nicole - in New Jersey. I will see New Moon with Nicole - in Salt Lake City. And you can bet your bahookie I will see Eclipse with Nicole - location to be determined.

- Tickets to Billy Joel and Elton John tomorrow night. I think this will be my fourth time seeing Billy Joel but I have never seen Sir Elton before. I am a little excited about that. Concert canceled until February 19th :(

- Adam is taking an entire week off of work.

- Going to the movies with Melissa last night. I have missed her. I don't get my hour with her every morning at the gym and I have missed it so. It was fun to go out and laugh and eat popcorn. (We saw Couples Retreat)

- The chalkboard in my bathroom. I never know what I am going to find when I go in there. It turns out that Adam is quite the artist and always manages to draw or write something that cracks me up!

- The new Mayer album. It is so perfect. The man might have ticked me off with his craptastic website - but he has more than made up for it. The album is freaking brilliant. It is sheer genius. I can't stop listening to it.

- The new OneRepublic album. The only time I have stopped listening to the Mayer album is when I am listening to this little gem. It is also lovely.

- Being back at the gym. Taking nearly a month off was lame. It is so nice to be back in the groove. Back to my schedule. Back with my peeps. And sweating like a fiend.

- Clean carpets.

- Fresh paint.

- Driving Adam's new car. It is the bomb. I heart it. I really am itching to get the top off that sucker.

- My new hairdo. My girl Tiffany did a fab job this time. She added a bit more red. Just enough to darken things up but not make me look like "Tiburonald McDonald". (Will try to get a picture soon).

That's all I got this week (which I feel is pretty darn impressive). Is there anything you are thankful for this week? Care to share? You are welcome to steal the logo for your list!

Analytics Tutorial

I have had a bunch of people ask how I get all my nifty information from Google Analytics that I post every month. So I thought I would take a moment to explain how to create an account and then track that information...

1. Head over to Google Analytics.
2. Click on ACCESS ANALYTICS.
3. You should be able to sign in using your Google account that you created when you started your blog.
4. Click on ADD WEBSITE PROFILE:


5. Make sure you select ADD PROFILE FOR NEW DOMAIN. Enter your blog address, country and time zone. Then click continue.


6. You will be taken to a new window that shows your tracking code. Copy the code and open a new window.


7. Go to your blog Layout screen and click on EDIT HTML.


8. Scroll to the bottom of your HTML code and look for < /body> (without the space)


9. Paste the code in directly above < /body>. (without the space)


10. Save your template.

11. Next, you need to go into your blog settings. Click on BASIC. Under LET SEARCH ENGINES FIND YOUR BLOG? make sure you have YES selected. Then click SAVE SETTINGS.



12. Return back to Google Analytics and click SAVE AND FINISH.




It should take approximately 24 hours for Analytics to start compiling information on your blog then you should be able to access their reports.

The next time you login to Analytics click on VIEW REPORT:


You will be at your DASHBOARD:


Click on TRAFFIC SOURCES and KEYWORDS:



You will see a handy dandy list of all the Google searches that brought people to your blog. You can customize the information by changing the date range if you want - the default is set to one month. And voila - you now know all the Google searches that brought readers to your blog. Some of them are pretty straight forward. Some of them can be pretty funny. See what I mean?



Have fun playing around with Analytics a bit - there are lots of different reports. Hopefully this will answer all your Analytics questions, let me know if it doesn't. I hope this helps - I tried to make it as straight forward as I could!

Question of the Day

Are you cooking Thanksgiving dinner? If you are - how many people are you expecting for din-din?

I am cooking this year. It will be the 6 of us plus Nicole, her husband Dave and their two kids.

Couldn't be more excited!

Makin' My Butt Itch

Anyone that knows me knows that I can get irritated pretty easily and with great frequency. Usually I am over it just as quickly as it starts. But when something does irritate me I usually say that it is "making my butt itch". Today you get an insight into some things that are currently making my butt itch (lucky you!):

- 28th row tickets to the Mayer.

- Adam taking his 5 day old car out for a little off-road adventure. It getting stuck. Requiring a tow - and a new axle.

- The hole that is still in the bottom of my foot.

- Nasal mist seasonal flu vaccine.

- Stuffy noses.

- Headaches.

- Disrespectful children.

- Being a bumbling idiot in step class.

- Leaves.

- The broken wheel on my recycling bin.

- The garbage man throwing my WHOLE GARBAGE CAN away. One second it was there - and then it was gone. At least they brought me a new one.

- Not knowing who defriended (unfriended?) me on Facebook.

- Turning 35 in 2 weeks.

- Type 1 diabetes.

- Unpainted toenails.

- Sasquatch eyebrows.

- The aerobics room at the gym being hotter than the surface of the sun this morning (and Monday morning for that matter...).

- Holey socks.

- Anticipation.

- Being ignored.

- Working my bahookie off at the gym yesterday - really pushing hard - and not even being sore today.

- Being fat.

- Not being skinny.

- Coughing.

- My moustache.

- Being stuck in line behind a lady that is doing her monthly grocery shopping at the WalMart and has 37 ads and is making them price match everything. Wanted.to.smack.her.

I think that is enough for today...

Anything making your butt itch? Care to share with the class?

Wordless Wednesday